28 June 2012

Confusion

Mum had such a confused and frustrated look on her face. She kept on calling my name: "Weiwei... Weiwei..." The way she called me broke my heart.

"What's wrong, mama?" what's wrong? Are you afraid? Don't be afraid. I'm here by your side..." I stroked her head, played with her hair. I grabbed her hand and held her hand tightly. "I'm by your side. Let go. There's nothing to hang onto. This body is not ours, what matters is the heart. Think beautiful things, beautiful memories. You've struggled long enough. Soon it'll be over, mama. Let go..."

I smiled at her, but inside I was tearing, and tearing apart. These words... These words... I spoke similar words to dad just four years ago, and now again, I am saying them to my dear mother. She can hear me, I know she can hear me, feel me, feel my touch, feel my love. I know she can. I know she can...

"Weiwei..." she cried out again, agitated and obviously in great discomfort. She didn't say anything else, just my name. Did she have it in her to say more? Did she have words or thoughts she wanted to empty? In the background mum's favourite cd was playing. Nana Mouskouri, perhaps mum's all time favourite singer. I found the cd while I was home briefly today. Perhaps there is a reason why after so many years, I happen to stumble on the long lost cd in the cupboard. Everything happens for a reason...

I held her hand even tighter, and kissed her fingers. "Don't be afraid, just let go..."

Mum's stomach gargled loudly, and on her face was an expression of pain and agony. "Let go, mama, just let it out..."


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